“When I die…”

This was a conversation that went on at my house, while the kids were rubbing my feet earning a movie (yes, I unabashedly perpetrate child labor).

Ella: [while rubbing my foot and thoughtfully looking at my rather chunky calf] “If you died Mom, I think I’d eat you.”

Me: [nervously]“Oh.”

Frank: “I wouldn’t eat you. I’d take you to the hospital and tell them to bury you!” [Dear boy]

Ella: “How would you know what number to call? You don’t have their phone number.”

Frank: [not to be deterred and eyes beginning to sparkle] “I’d put her in the car and drive her to the hospital!”

Ella: “Oh! I could help you drive! We’d get there and I’d say, ‘We have a dead people in the car.’”

So yes, if you see my tots driving about in my car, don’t forget to look in the trunk. You just might find a dead people there. These kids are planning ahead, which I’m glad to see. Although I must admit, I am watching my back around Ella, especially since she’s always hungry and I’m, well, um… you know. Not skinny!

The kids were getting a bit worried about me dying (“Who’d feed us?”) and what would happen to them in that event. I told them that I wouldn’t die until they were both grown and could cook for themselves and I was a really old lady. That assured them somewhat but yeah, they continued making plans on what they’ll do after my death. And as far as I can tell it’s NOT grieving….

Ella: “I’m going to go to Canada for a visit and see Spronk when you die! And I’m going to buy Spronk a hedgehog.”

Frank: “I’d buy Spronk a hedgehog too.”

Ella: “That’s good, then Spronk would have two hedgehogs. She’d love them. Then I’d buy another hedgehog, kill it and bury it, so that it would go to heaven and Mom would have a hedgehog with her in heaven too!”

Nice to know that my children are thinking of the afterlife… I guess. Cannibalism and animal sacrifice!

Happy 4th Birthday and 2nd Year Anniversary, Frankie!!

Sunday was Frankie's 4th birthday AND his second anniversary of coming home. My how fast the time goes by! Seems just like yesterday that we brought this fat, bald little two year old feller home.

He ain't so bald and fat now let me tell yah! My Frankie is a four year old stocky bundle of hair and, um, er, muscle? Okay, maybe that's a stretch but he's lost some of his baby fat and is growing like a weed! And he does like to show people his muscles. It must be a Y chromosome thing...

A boy and his cat are a beautiful thing

The day started out with scrambled eggs and a little "candle practice" in preparation for the Big Cake later on in the day.

Yes, candles in scrambled eggs makes this boy happy!

Let 'er blow my man, let 'er blow! And he did!

Aw yes, the boy and his cake, complete with the backwards 4 on it. I can't even use dyslexia as an excuse!

The simple frosting on this cake took me an HOUR to make and plaster upon it. Ella helped by placing the candy around the edges (her idea!) but no, a six year old did not decorate the entire thing. As you can see though, Frankie has no great and lofty expectations - he was just happy to have a cake with a couple of horses and his name on it!

Because cooking gas has been harder than hens teeth to find around here and we were almost out, I had to make a special trip on my day off and cook this sucker at the office. But that happy little face made it well worth it!!

Like all good birthday boys worth their salt, Frankie had help take care of the left over frosting

Okay, we had a very special birthday celebration this year, for two reasons. One was that it was my Frankie's fourth birthday and the second year anniversary of bringing him home, and Two, was that our friend Harriet had just brought her baby boy home one week before!! So we got together and celebrated our baby boys together!!

My four year old Frankie and Harriet's eight month old Jason!

Now Harriet has been planning and waiting to bring a baby home for a very long time so to finally see her with a baby of her own was indeed special! Harriet has taken care of countless babies, but always for other people - none of her own!

Jason and his obviously loving big sister Jackie

Oh my, what a SMILER little Jason is! He'd been home for one week and acted like he'd always lived there!

Okay, there were some "interesting," rather "unusual" elements of the party ( to say the very least!), like when Harriet's friend whipped out an accordion and started honking away on it. Yes, you read that right, and accordion.

This was Frank's face when the accordion got started. This look really said it all. Um, Frankie? Your GRANNY plays the accordion my boy, so we'd better work on a little accordion appreciation!

While the other children danced to the, um, accordion, the Birthday Boy laid on the couch and entertained himself by catching his balloon with his feet.

And finally!! The moment he'd been waiting for, for weeks!!! THE BIRTHDAY CAKE!!!

He'd matter of factly stated that morning while he was watching me struggle to frost it, "I'm not four until I eat that birthday cake."

This was the only batch of children that I've met where even the baby and the two year old liked wearing their party hats and didn't try to eat them!

Brothers! This is such a sweet picture of Jacob and his baby brother, Jason

And best of all - FIREWORKS on the cake!!! It does NOT get much more cool than that folks! And it didn't even catch any ones hair or party hat on fire!

In true Ugandan birthday party style, the birthday boy gets to cut the cake. It's usually done with a huge butcher knife but we settled for a smaller one this time. This picture accurately depicts my careful little Frankie. Look at his concentration!

We saved the birthday gifts for when we got home. He received a pair of scissors as a gift which he proceeded to carefully cut open each and every one of his gifts :)

AND, to make a good day even better, we found a cylinder of COOKING GAS on our way home!

Aw Frankie, I love you! You make me want to tear my hair out at times, not because you're naughty but because you're too darn smart and I can't figure out WHAT is going on inside your fuzzy, sensitive little head!

You are a funny little boy too - not the comical, goofy funny that your sister is, but the "WHAT did he just say?" funny. Articulate and straight forward, you matter of factly state the obvious. But you're kind too! Like when we were discussing racial differences and you told me, "Your skin looks bad. But I still like it!" Thank you my kind, straightforward, thoughtful little boy!

Hana W*lli@ms

So I just read this story yesterday. And then, because I couldn’t leave well enough alone, I read this. It's not the first time it's happened, either. Check out this.

Now this case is particularly disturbing in SOOO many ways. When a child is killed it’s bad enough, but this case hits closer to home (she was adopted AND from Africa) and somehow having your parents torture and kill you seems like the ultimate betrayal. Especially knowing that Hana was adopted as an older child and undoubtedly already had feelings of abandonment, trauma and grief to begin with.

Yes, a murder is a murder, but somehow the more extended psychological abuse that Hana is recorded to have gone through (ostracized for her Hepatitis, kept outside or in a closet and excluded from the family, her hair cut as a punishment, told she “didn’t deserve” to celebrate her birthday, starved, etc) is even more heartbreaking to me. Ms Williams seemed to have genuinely hated both her adopted children and inflicted cruel torture upon them.

And it makes me wonder, why?

Yes, when you adopt a child that child brings along some baggage. Sometimes lots of baggage. And that can be frustrating. It can cause you not to enjoy the child. You will have to work harder to really love that child. You will have to parent the child differently than a biological one because the kids been HURT, their brain thinks differently, and they need help rehabilitating (not to mention they might not understand what you are saying to them in English!).

I can sympathize with frustration. When I read that Hana had “issues with hygiene” and so was not allowed to use the family bathroom but instead had to use a porta potty outside, my first was thought was “fecal smearing”. This is quite a common behavior with troubled children from similar situations as Hana and although neither of my children have ever exhibited it, I can not imagine how awful it must be for parents to have to deal with. My little Frankie has commonly used toileting issues as a source of control but thankfully he’s never gone as far as that!

But no, Hana did not have a problem with anything like fecal smearing. The poor kid touched things (like the door knob!) in the bathroom without remembering to wash her hands first! That was the extent of her “rebellion” and “poor hygiene” that got the poor kid stuck using a porta potty outside and taking cold showers in the hose.

From what I read in the report, it did not appear to me that Hana even exhibited RAD behaviors, which I fully expected. Nor did it seem that her little brother, also abused and adopted, did either. Not that RAD would be an excuse for um, torturing and killing her, but it would help in understanding the mothers behaviors a bit easier. Yes, I’m sure they were less than perfect children and had annoying issues but really, making them sleep in closets and the bathroom for years? Spanking the Deaf boy because he “pretended that he couldn’t hear them.”?? Um, no.

What continued to disturb me is how the older children, boys, would also beat Hana and that she was forced to bathe naked outside under a garden hose. You’re talking a girl hitting puberty here! That struck me as really disturbing and I hope that the boys can get some help. Otherwise… oh dear.

Sadly, this is not the first case of something like this happening. So what’s the connection? What is the “cause”? They all contained the same factors of adoption, Christianity , homeschooling, spanking and No Greater Joy teachings – all of which can be controversial and people could point fingers at.

Interestingly, I have experienced personally the first four things – adoption (I adopted my own kids), Christianity (raised by Christian parents, am a professing Christian today), was homeschooled, and spanked on occasion during my childhood. I have lived these things and no, any of them in their true form will NOT lead to the torture and murder of a child. It will NOT. They are fundamentally the exact opposites.

Thankfully I never experienced, as a child or an adult with my own kids, the Pearl’s No Greater Joy teachings but I’ve read one of their books. And they do promote a lot of the ideas of “punishment” that the Williams used on their daughter, Hana (bathing a child in a garden hose, beating them with a plumbing hose over the entire back of their body, and withholding food, to name a few). I was actually given one of their books by a “whoop ‘em till they’re broken” couple who unfortunately had a lot of adopted children that they didn’t understand and regularly beat the crap out of. So my radar was up to begin with. But I digress…

I think that the lethal ingredient to these components is LEGALISM. Okay, I believe that legalism is at the core of No Greater Joy and may be its MAIN ingredient, but for the others it’s not. But when added – watch out!

I would hope that the American church isn’t using “Adoption” as another notch in a Christians belt. And honestly folks, we ALL struggle with legalism, genuinely wanting to serve Christ but to also “look good”. But when you add legalism into Christianity, adoption, homeschooling, raising and disciplining children, things go wrong.

So I guess my point is, Christianity, homeschooling, spanking, and especially adoption, are not bad in themselves but they can be if you add a good does of legalism to them. In the Williams case, it didn’t look to me like they especially wanted those children and I wonder why they even adopted in the first place. I mean, it’s not easy or cheap to adopt. You don’t just “end up” adopting internationally! Could it possibly be because “the thing” to do as “good” Christian, homeschooling parents is to adopt as well? It's so sad that when something as beautiful as adoption(and the others!) can be twisted into something sick and lethal :(

Family Fun

I love how Ellie is modeling The Packs resourcefulness. In the absence of a dog bed, a purse works for your pillow, Spiderman slippers cushion your bum, and stuffed animals soften your shoulders. It’s a darn good thing we don’t keep a tidy house or our Pack would be sunk!

Then there's Billy. He uses a shoe under his butt and that's it! The neck twist doesn't look very comfortable but hey, who am I to judge?!

Ella's starting to learn about the Pilgrims, in her History. This is a fine example of our make shift turkey!

I had to post this picture of the pupil, simply because she's looking so big! Like, she almost looks like a GIRL even though to me, she's still my baby :)

This cracks me up. The kids planted beans in their sandpit the other day and well, in Uganda, when you plant something it GROWS! Even when you plant it in your sandpit!

Saturday we went to Kampala to go bowling and party with our pals, the Schrocks. Here is one of the enthusiastic bowlers.

In between bowling herself and helping the kids with their turns, Amber would plop down and furiously keep knitting this baby blanket, that was due to be a gift the next day. Ha!!

Bowling with a hankie slung over your shoulder

They are H's, hear them roar. Or something. More like, "Don't drop those suckers!"or "Please hurry and take the picture, Mom!"

The kids and their coach. I got some pretty good, literally "behind the scenes" pictures of this coach coaching the children, but I won't post them because a) Amber was helping my kids, and b) I'm a Christian and all ;)

A cool view of Kampala!! This picture amazes me. No trash, not a lot of traffic, is this really the Kampala I know?

There is a nice FREE play area in Garden City that we took the tots to. They loved it!

Look at that! She's playing like a normal child!

Oh crap. You're not supposed to do that on the slides! She's as bad as a baby goat or a monkey!

Kitten sits on chair and tries to smack puppies head. Whose gonna win this game?

There's a lot that could be said about this picture. A LOT. They were, um, watching the coffee pot making coffee. The coffee pot that is on the ground beside the radio. Um, yeah. Nuf said.

Get a load of how big little Billy is! He's almost as tall as Madea now, and a lot thicker!

Tug o war! Ranger and Madea are a year old now, and Billy is about five months.

Rowdy

Obviously I didn't have enough to do the other day, so I popped Madea up on top of the car :) She didn't like it!

Kids, Dogs, a Grasshopper and a Rabbit

Here are some pictures from the last couple of days.

Frankie with his large, prized hopper. For some reason he wasn't wanting to smile for the camera although...

... This little lass sure was!

I bought the kids five new hankies at the store and since they were all new and matching, we figured that The Pack needed to model them before they got all used and snotty. A fine looking Pack, if I might say so myself. This is the best picture of all the dogs but Ellie's hankie had fallen off, so I had to take another picture :)

And here they all are! My stylin' Pack! And yes, that's Bill in the middle. He's almost as big as Ellie!

Ella having a little Ms Dave time

Frankie having a little hopper time

Frank having some hopper and bunny time

The kids and Ms Dave.

This is Bill, posed and ready for Ms Dave to poop so that he can gobble up the little "bunny chocolates." He's even licking his lips in anticipation!

Frankies reaction to little Billy's snack. Have I mentioned before that Frank is more of a cat and grasshopper lover? Well, he is. And I can't imagine why! ;)

A girl, her rabbit, and her dogs... (the dogs were patiently waiting for you-know-what!)

This little chap caught his dinner on the ceiling of our porch!